Lost
by Tribal Shimmy
Summary: A lady comes to visit Alexander at Babylon when he is dying.


-1**LOST**

Babylon appeared subdued. Its people speaking in hushed tones, gathered together in groups, watching the soldiers walking in the city, studying their faces, looking to the splendour of the palace as though they could see within its walls.

Dressed in her finest clothing, wearing gold jewellery and precious stones, Myrine made her way through the streets, towards the palace.

Alexander would see her today.

For seven days she had petitioned to see him. Each day meeting with someone higher; someone closer to the king. Finally, Perdiccas, the Chiliarch, had met with her. The king was not well he told her, but all of Babylon knew that. He had a fever and talk was that he would not rest, as if he welcomed death.

Perdiccas had studied her. He had wanted to know the reason she was there, seemingly frustrated when she would not say why, that it was for Alexander alone to hear. Finally, he had relented. He had gone to Alexander, while she waited patiently. When he returned, he had told her to come back the next morning, that the guards would expect her and take her to the king.

That moment was here. She wrapped her long, flowing cloak around her and stepped in to the palace.

The guard studied her, then without saying a word led the way to the gardens, where a canopy shaded Alexander as he lay on a bed. His chest was bare, white sheets covering the lower half of his body, a thick fur discarded, as though he were too hot to bear it. His face looked flushed, and Myrine had to resist the urge to care for him. He looked so alone, and lost.

The guard knew her name, he announced her before withdrawing, leaving them alone. Grey eyes turned to focus on her.

"Sire," Myrine whispered, suddenly breathless. She took a step closer, almost at the bed.

"I was intrigued as to why you wanted to see me. Do we know each other?" Alexander asked.

Myrine shook her head. "No," she said. "We have never met."

Alexander did not reply, but his eyes absorbed every part of her.

"I come from a place called Peladon, it lies close to the Euphrates. Several years ago now, almost eight years ago, Hephaistion came there, on his way to bridge the river. Sent in advance, while you brought the army up from Egypt."

Tears filled Alexander's eyes, he lay his head back on the large pillow behind him, and looked up to the canopy as though he could see events unfold before him. "Hephaistion," he murmured, and smiled softly, before looking back on Myrine, in control of his emotions, once more.

"I heard of his death," said Myrine, "I heard of what you did. How you grieve, Sire. I had to come here to see you. At first I did not have the means to, but my father has recently died. He would have forbidden me to come, as much as he loved me, but now I am free to do what I choose."

"Lots of people knew Hephaistion. They sent messages of condolence, but none travelled to Babylon like this. Why you?"

Myrine took a deep breath, and pulled back her cloak, revealing a small boy, clinging to her gown. She looked down at her son, who lifted his large, blue eyes up to greet her, his long, chestnut hair falling back on to his shoulders, as he then turned to gaze on Alexander. She looked on the king. "I call him Hephaistion…after his father."

The fever, having left him weak, almost broke Alexander at that moment. He shook his head. Uncomprehending. Tears ran down his face and he held out his arms calling Hephaistion to him.

With a glance at his mother, he left her and went to the king, climbing on to the bed, in to the welcoming embrace. Alexander kissed his head, then gazed on him in awe. "He is as I first knew him," he murmured. "Like the first time we met." He shook his head again, then looked to Myrine. "This illness is for me alone. Don't fear for your son. This fever is a gift from the gods, that we might be reunited."

"I have no fear," Myrine said. Knowing, at that moment, that her journey had been worth it. Joy was on the king's face now.

"Tell me," Alexander said, patting the bed, signalling for Myrine to sit down.

Myrine sat beside the king, a soft smile on her lips as she saw how tenderly her son was held. Young Hephaistion lay in the king's arms, playing with the wooden medallion around the king's neck. Myrine recognised it, Hephaistion had worn the same. She had not known at the time who Hephaistion had loved; she had discovered later. Seeing she had Alexander's attention she began her story.

"My father ruled in Peladon, and the surrounding area, down to the Euphrates, for many years. When we first heard of your victory at Granicus, and all that followed, he knew that change would come, and he accepted it. He said that we should be like a tree, and bend with the wind, or fall. News came of Tyre, then you went to Egypt and we began to wonder if you would stay there, or return.

Then, one day, soldiers arrived, your men, Macedonians. Hephaistion led the way. He had sent the largest part to the river, to begin construction of the bridge, then come with a small delegation to talk to my father.

I was with my friends when I first heard who had arrived. I left them at once and hid myself from view as I took a look. I do not remember what I was feeling at the time, or much of who was there, but I remember Hephaistion. I had never been in love, so I did not know what I was feeling, but all I could see was him. So handsome. His eyes so blue, his hair shining in the sun."

Myrine looked down, and then to Alexander. He was smiling at her.

"My father invited him to stay for the night, to dine with us. I hurried back to my rooms, I must have emptied every chest deciding what to wear, the dinner was almost being served by the time I arrived.

I have been told that I am beautiful. I would be lying if I said that I was not aware of how men saw me. I was of an age when men would want me in marriage. My father had already picked a suitor for me. He seemed handsome and kind…before I met Hephaistion.

My father introduced me. His eyes looked on me for the first time. I know he found me pleasing to look on, but there was no interest in those lapis eyes of his. He talked to me. I felt my heart leap in to my throat every time he did. I used what small skill I had, to charm a man, in my replies, but to no avail. He loved you, Alexander…I did not know it at the time."

Alexander gave a soft laugh, and nodded. "Yes, he loved me," he replied, gently.

"I was fifteen. My father had spoiled me. Everything I wanted I got. I was not used to failure. I wanted Hephaistion; I wanted him to look on me as the other men did. But he would not. And so I drugged his wine. I left the room and fetched what I needed, then returned and poured a cup of wine and handed it to him. The evening was late, I watched him stand and leave, to thank my father and then to go to his room.

The choice was mine now. If I did not go to him, it would not matter. If I did go then he would be mine. I had never lain with a man before. I went to my room, berating myself for what I had done. Sleep would not come, though. I had one night to be with him, one night alone. If I chose not to go to him, then perhaps I would always regret it. I was so young, I did not know that I would yearn for another night with him, just as badly.

I crept along the halls to his room. The guards were posted outside of the building, nobody saw me. I opened the door and went in to his room. He was sleeping, but fitfully, the drug was doing that to him. The room was moonlit. I cast off my gown and lay beside him, naked, reaching out for him. He was so handsome, like a dream."

Myrine reached out and stroked young Hephaistion's hair, tears filling her eyes as she pictured the treasured memory in her mind. Alexander was watching her, his hand reached out to take hers. Blinking back the tears she continued.

"I would like to say that, when he saw me, he desired me. But the drug did that to him, he had no choice. I thought it odd at the time. He was older than me, he should have lain with countless women, but it was as though I was the first." Myrine smiled. "I know now, what I didn't know then." She shook her head. "He was gentle and kind, his voice spoke soft words of desire. I loved each moment, though my eyes would stray towards the window, judging the short time I had left with him. I did not want the night to end, but as the moon began to sink in the sky, I took my leave. He was sleeping. I stole a kiss from his lips."

Myrine put her hands to her waist. "I did not know then I had his child within me. Like I said, I was a spoilt child, I had taken what I wanted with no regard for the consequences.

The next morning he ate with my father, alone. They talked, and then my father went with him to where the soldiers waited in the courtyard.

I hid behind a pillar on the balcony of my room. If I could have made him stay…" Myrine smiled and looked at Alexander. "He would soon be reunited with you."

"I missed him then, as I miss him now," Alexander whispered, wiping his brow.

"He looked up. Before he left. He looked up at me. Like he knew. I hid from view, only returning for a final look as I heard the horses hooves on the stone. I saw him leave."

Alexander looked at the child in his arms. "He would have told me."

"He married," Myrine said. "At Susa. I heard he married."

Alexander shook his head. "It was no love match. You should have heard…"

He was interrupted as a servant appeared, from the palace, with a tray of fruit and a jug of wine and two cups. Alexander signalled for Myrine to hide Hephaistion from view. She lifted her son from the king's arms and had him sit on the floor beside her, then pulled her cloak around him, so that he was out of view before the servant arrived.

"Have Odius, from Hephaistion's troop, come to the garden. Have him wait until I signal for him," Alexander said to the servant, who bowed and then left them alone.

There was a silence, while the servant went, and then Alexander called for Hephaistion to climb up beside him again. "What do you like to do?" he asked.

The boy bit his lip, then smiled up at him. "I like to ride my pony. We go hunting." He looked over at Myrine. "I like it when my mother tells me stories."

"And what do you know of your father?"

The smile vanished from the boy's face, he looked down, stroking the fur on the bed. "He is with the gods now," he said softly. Then he looked to Alexander and smiled. "My mother told me about him. Of the battles he fought and all he did."

"He was my friend," Alexander said. "My world." Tears filled his eyes as he spoke. They began to fall as the boy embraced him, holding him tightly, to try to comfort him. "Your father was the best man. My closest companion. The only one I trusted. I loved him."

Myrine wiped the tears from her own eyes. "Did he suffer?" she asked.

Alexander shook his head. "It was quick for him, at the end. He was not ill for long. Then, when we thought he was getting better…"

"I used to hear of him. Through the merchants and envoys who would come. They would mention his name at times," Myrine said. "When I could no longer disguise the fact I was with child, my father was angry, at first. I was kept in my rooms, and feared that my child might be taken from me. But when he saw his grandson, and held him in his arms, he forgave me, although he said I was no longer suitable for marriage. I did not care. I would only have wanted one man."

"Did you see the site of the pyre?"

Myrine nodded. "I have been to it every day since I arrived. People talk of how magnificent it was. How much it cost."

"He deserved it."

Alexander coughed, a harsh, racking cough. Myrine poured some wine and handed it to him.

"You should have a doctor here," she said.

"No," said Alexander, after swallowing a mouthful of wine. He handed Hephaistion some fruit, and smiled as he chose the dates to eat. "There, now they will think I have eaten," he smiled.

He looked to Myrine. "I have another campaign in mind, than the one they plan for. I have a promise to keep…a promise made to Hephaistion. I am done with this world. But for the moment, I have to find the strength to make them believe I will recover, for when I am dead they will turn on each other, for all they say. Men, who were friends, will fight each other. I see it in their eyes, all the time now." He coughed softly, and took another sip of wine, before handing the cup back to Myrine. "I prefer to be alone. I think of Hephaistion. I feel him closer to me every day."

"But your people still need you," pleaded Myrine.

"I am done," smiled Alexander. "I never took the time to enjoy what I had. There was always something to do, to plan for. Perhaps I burnt myself out; perhaps Hephaistion did the same. Do not deny us the rest that we deserve; the time that we deserve."

Myrine reached for Alexander's hand, unable to speak for the emotion inside of her. She swallowed down her feelings, needing to speak. "Give him my love," she whispered. "Send love from both of us, from his son and I."

Alexander nodded, and closed his eyes, growing tired. He rested his head back on the pillow, then opened them again and looked to see a man standing on some stairs. He lifted his hand and the man began to walk over to them.

"You can not return to Peladon," Alexander said, his arm closing protectively around the boy beside him. "You know that, don't you?"

"I had not thought," said Myrine. "I just wanted to get here."

"Two of my wives are with child. Those children will have to be kept safe, to ensure their survival."

Myrine looked at her son. "But he is nothing. He is no threat."

"He is Hephaistion's son. He will be killed just for that."

The man arrived. Dressed in uniform, a scar across his face. A face that told of hardships and loss. His dark hair and beard were streaked with grey. He bowed before the king, then looked on amazement at the child beside him.

"You recognise him, Odius?" Alexander asked, and smiled. "He is Hephaistion's son. He needs your protection."

"With my life, Sire," Odius replied, looking over at Myrine.

"This is a good man," Alexander said to the boy. "Listen to him. He knew your father well." He took in a deep breath and then lifted the wooden pendant over his head and placed it over that of the child. "Your father had one like it," he said, tears filling his eyes as he sought, and received, another embrace.

Holding on to the boy, he looked at Odius. "Go with Myrine, back to her lodgings and guard her there. In the morning, return to the palace. I will instruct Perdiccas to be waiting. He will give you gold…and my copy of The Illiad."

He pulled Hephaistion back from him. "You said that you like stories. I shall send the story that your father and I read as boys."

"Don't you need it?" the child asked.

Alexander shook his head. "I am done with it now." He looked back to Odius. "Take them now. Take them far from here, but not to Macedon, never there, that would be too dangerous. Do not say where you are going. Lose yourself, Odius. Make sure you are lost in a place where nobody will ever find you."

"Sire," Odius replied, his voice almost breaking. "I didn't want to leave, I…"

"One final mission for me," Alexander whispered. His face twisted in pain as he spoke. "I am tired," he murmured.

Myrine stood. "Hephaistion," she called, but her son was reluctant to move. He sat in front of Alexander, his blue eyes gazing on the man before him.

"Half Greek. Half Persian," Alexander said. "He lifted himself up to kiss the boy on the forehead. "Go with your mother," he said.

Taking Hephaistion's hand, Myrine helped him from the bed. "Thank you," Myrine murmured. Then, unable to help herself, she bent forward to kiss Alexander's lips. Alexander smiled, then watched, with sad eyes, as Myrine concealed her son from sight and stepped back. He closed his eyes.

Odius signalled for her to follow, and she moved away, through the gardens. Alexander was dying. She wiped away her tears. It was what the king wanted. She could not deny him. She pulled her son closer to her, looking back at the man, underneath the canopy. Soon he would be reunited with Hephaistion. No longer alone. No longer lost. Together for eternity.

THE END


End file.
